Attorney General Jefferson Sessions, who some are calling the “Fredo” to Donald Trump’s “Godfather”, has stepped his “zero tolerance” illegal immigration policy up a notch. Citing inspiration from a book he said was titled : “My Camp”, Sessions unveiled his new : “Even Less Than Zero Tolerance” policy in front of a gathered crowd of media on Saturday.
America’s destroyah lawyah explained that, as a national security issue, our borders needed tougher security regarding Jewish immigrants, many of whom, creep across our southern border seeking a better life, away from such countries as Israel, the Bahamas, and Liebermania. Flanked by his own grandchildren, known as the Sessions Youth, he spoke fervently, often times raising a fist or visibly vibrating.
“We have nothing against the Jewish people. We just don’t have enough room or resources as a country to support them. Our borders need to be respected. While we appreciate the works of these people : The Shatners ; The Kimmels ; The Seacrests ; they tend to group together and refuse assimilation. They speak a whole other language. They have odd customs that may scare and intimidate honest Americans. Now this isn’t the best solution. In time, we make find a less intrusive one that is finer. But I assure you. At this point, it is President Trump and I’s final solution.”
Several reporters from unfriendly outlets such as CNN, MSNBC, and Highlights Magazine were then immediately surrounded by I.C.E. agents and flown to relocation camps to undergo processing.