BREAKING: Stormy Daniels To Be Deported For Ohio Crimes

 

After being arrested for the despicable act of being touched by someone in a non-sexual way during a sex act, liar and traitor to our nation, Stormy Daniels, is being deported back to Finland. According to Daniels, she’s not from there, but ICE says otherwise. Director of Finland Affairs Art Tubolls says that Stormy’s parents went home a week before her birth to make sure she was born upon the alter of their Norse Gods:

“They weren’t citizens, and she wasn’t born here. The fact that she came here a week after her birth and has lived among us all these years as a fraud is on her. She should have alerted authorities the second she saw the pictures of her birthing canoe.”

Stormy says all of this is ridiculous and that she was born to Mark and Louise Jenkins of St. Paul. She says this is obvious manipulation of the public record to appease Donald Trump. The Trump administration denies any knowledge of Stormy Daniels at all.

Daniels was denied a hearing on account of being an illegal alien and will wait in a detention center for a bus to Ontario, where she will be released to the Finnish Embassy.

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